Oh the simple things in life: a childhood memory, a summer’s day, the soft purr of a cat, the wag of a dog’s tail, unicorn hoofs – these are all things that hot dogs are made of. But toppings… toppings are a different topic altogether. See what your hot dog condiment says about you:
You’re obviously well-cultured. A person of some distinction with exquisite tastes, well-travelled. You know that life is a blend of the salty with a huge heaping of sugar, that is, until you die. Ketchup, it’s the world’s favourite poison. I mean sauce…poison.
You’re a heartbreaker, dream maker and a risk taker… to get what’s yours. All right! You know all about mustard water. You know all about mystery stains from nowhere, right in the valley of your thumb and your forefinger but you don’t care. You know what it takes to take it to the top!
Just because you eat raw onions is not the reason why people don’t like you.
You are an old lady. A 100 years ago when relish was expensive and people ate it on special occasions you swore that one day you would put it on everything. You did.
You’re a dastardly rascal you.
You’re an odd fellow and not just because of your choice of topping. Quit hiding in the bushes and quit stealing our hot dogs.